


You're All I've Been Dreaming Of

by whatalamebooknerd (adverbialstarlight)



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Unhappy Ending, ish, set during book one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-03 05:51:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16320311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adverbialstarlight/pseuds/whatalamebooknerd
Summary: "He was not stupid, he could already see the way that Dorian looked at the assassin girl, even in the dark. He stared in wonder as if she were Deanna herself sitting there washed in the moonlight. A look that Chaol himself could never dream to get from the prince, one that he’d do anything to get. Forever they would remain as friends and comrades, despite any inclination that either might give that it was more."-Aka I don't like Chaol that much but I do love pining chaolorian angst. Small thing during the “Still, the image haunted his dreams throughout the night: a lovely girl gazing at the stars, and the stars who gazed back." scene.





	You're All I've Been Dreaming Of

**Author's Note:**

> what's this? me, writing SJM fic again?? yeah I'm surprised too but all my voltron projects are deadlined and was stressing me out so here's this short thing I wrote in maybe 20 minutes from some fic idea note I made in June because I need to write a low quality fic real quick. Kingdom of Ash #HYPE, amirite? You should also listen to Explosion by Zolita for some gay, pining ambiance as you read (aka the song the title is from)

A part of him always knew that this is how it would end up. And still that made it no less painful to watch.

Being the crown prince and the captain of the guard had doomed them from the start, there was no way that anything good could come of this. Perhaps Dorian would marry the noble girl that was chosen for him by the queen and after their heir was born they would be free to continue their… affair. But Chaol did not want that. To him it would not be enough.

He wanted to be able to walk through the garden together at midnight and kiss, to be able to touch foreheads as they danced during the Yule Ball and proudly say that Dorian was his and he was Dorian’s.To sit with him by the dim fire, fingers intertwined. To court him endlessly even with the disproving looks of his father and not give a damn. Chaol wanted everything, all of Dorian’s love, but he would end with none of it.

Even if Dorian were to truly return his feelings, he would be able to get none of it. Things would remain formal and brotherly; a soft look and a lingering touch on his arm would be the most Chaol could hope for. And maybe on a day that his father was away, Dorian might pull Chaol into a dark closet, kiss him deeply, and walk away a moment later and return to flirting with the daughter of some courtier or another. But never Chaol.

He was not stupid, he could already see the way that Dorian looked at the assassin girl, even in the dark. He stared in wonder as if she were Deanna herself sitting there washed in the moonlight. A look that Chaol himself could never dream to get from the prince, one that he’d do anything to get. Forever they would remain as friends and comrades, despite any inclination that either might give that it was more. There was simply no way that it would ever work, no way that Dorian would ever look over and see Chaol the same.

And so he remained still in his bedding, gaze moving towards the sky, and prayed for the gods to give him the strength to let go. They all knew that it was a foolish hope.

 

As Chaol closed his eyes again, sighing deeply, Dorian tore his attention from Celaena, from all of the mysteries surrounding her that pulled him in, and let it turn to Chaol. He smiled sadly at his friend, using all of his strength to keep his hand from leaning over and brushing a loose lock of hair from the sleeping man’s face. He looked tranquil, the usual tight lines around his mouth gone and his body relaxed.

Dorian wanted to kiss him, to see what it would be like to finally run his fingers through that soft chestnut hair, but there was no way to make up an excuse for that. Not knowing how to play billiards and asking for his friend to correct his fencing stance was easily dismissable, but this was not. How would he be able to keep up lie? How would he be able to continue on as if he weren’t in love with his best friend?

Dorian turned away from Chaol and surrendered to sleep. There was work to be done in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this trash, drop a kudos and a KoA prediction if you want, it'll make me cry. Anyway, I've got more throne of glass and acotar coming in the future after a multitude of Voltron things if you're interested. They will be much longer, at least 3k, and I already have a malide rock band au outlined. One day I also want to rewrite this as a full 15k ish fic if anyone cares.
> 
> Again, thanks for reading have a nice day/night/whatever and I'll see you when my Voltron mania has died a bit ~~it won't, I've been stuck in this hell for almost two years now~~!
> 
>  
> 
> [my tumblr if you want to yell with me there](adverbialstarlight.tumblr.com)


End file.
